secretly.

can you keep a secret ?

promise to keep it ?
i miss you.
secretly.
i still think about you before i fall asleep every night.
i know it isnt right.
you didnt care anymore.
you walked out the door.
i stood there broken, bruised, & crushed.
you left a little rushed.
you left all we had.
but i know i should be glad.
"you can do better"
thats what everyones titled their letter.
but i dont want to let go just yet.
think of all that i'll have to forget.

can you keep a secret ?
promise to keep it ?
i miss you.
secretly.

the other side of the story

today i was listening to Taylor Swift's song 'Invisible' and it starts out with;

she can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile

and it got me thinking how unfair all of us girls are when the guy we want finds someone he wants,

and well it's not us.

how about the girl he did choose? do we truly know her side of the story?

honestly yes, i have judged a girl because i have decided it would be easier to hate her than like her. because what do we get out of knowing her and finding out she's a great girl?

an even more broken heart, and a lifetime of trying to measure up to all she is.

so then i listened to another song; its by Miranda Lambert's and its called 'More Like Her' and it goes;

she's beautiful in her simple little way...

i guess i should've been more like her

so in the end what is the right thing to do?

it's up to you how you go about it, but just think to yourself before what you decide to do;

what would i want someone to do for me?

my older sister got married to the 'IT' boy of her high school.

but, it came with a price. his 'ex' girlfriend doesn't quite think she deserves to be with him.

thats the thing though. my older sister is flawless.

she's about 5'7-5'8, itty bitty skinny, with pretty blonde hair and piercing green eyes.

she has the kindest heart, and sweetest spirit.

if anyone would take the time to get to know her,

they'd know she deserves prince charming or anyone she wants.

but instead since they all wanted her husband they have judged her,

and made their decision off of the fact that they think they are the only one's who deserve her husband.

so next time o recommend getting to know her,

maybe it might make you feel better, maybe it'll make you realize you really aren't what he wanted.

maybe you'll see you arent his type.

maybe it'll help you get over him, but i know in the end,

its best you stay yourself

and realize there's somone out there for you.

and one day you might be the other girl, so don't judge.

my book

      I pulled at the black dress one more time, hoping to stall a little longer. I looked up at the mirror seeing my reflection in the bathroom at the funeral home, and started to cry. My hazel eyes looked nothing like they normally did. They were red and swollen, an after effect of crying myself to sleep for the past couple nights. I pulled my blonde bangs trying to cover my eyes without success, as they flipped back into their curls around my face. My tan skin had become a sort of pale that only was found on dead people, but as I thought about it I realized I was sort of dead. My heart was broken and it seemed as though there was no life left in me. I heard the door start to open, and turned to see who was coming.
    
“I thought I’d find you in here,” Jesse’s mom, Demi said. “How are you holding up?”

I looked at her deep green eyes, and I saw Jesse’s eyes. I saw him looking at me the way he did when he wanted a kiss. His eyes sort of shy, but smiling in a sense. I saw him looking at me while I cried after our very first fight and his apologies seeming to become more and more sincere. I saw his eyes flutter with excitement after I told him I loved him too for the very first time. And then I saw his eyes for the last time, I saw him looking at me as he recited his last words before we walked back to our houses like we had each night before. The words that now haunted me and would for the rest of time, “You and me forever. I love you.”
“I’ve tried to say ‘I’m okay’ to many people, but Demi I can’t lie to you,” I said as I began to sob. “I can’t handle this. Its all my fault! I lost Jesse, and Blayk, she lost Jared. I know she forgives me, but I’m dying knowing there’s nothing I can do about it now. I would never have told them to come over if I, if I knew-”
“Stop it Blaer!” She said with a firmness I had never heard in her voice. “You will drive yourself mad if you keep this up. He loved you, we all knew it. He wouldn’t have wanted it to happen any other way. And Jared, you know he loved Blayk. You and him, and him and her each had something with each other that was so magic. I’ve seen love, I have it with Jesse’s dad, and I see your parents. But, Blaer you and Jesse had something that I have never seen before. Do not focus on what happened, focus on what you had.
Remember too Blaer, you have Blayk who is going through the exact same thing. I saw her just a few minutes ago and she is a mess. You two need each other. Jared was like a son and I know how bad this feels. If you don’t think I’m just as broken, trust me you should see me at night, when I’m alone and John is at work…”
Demi trailed off as she forced herself into my arms and began crying. I held her there. I knew she had been strong long enough and couldn’t handle it any longer. I began rubbing her head, stroking my fingers through her dark, long, brown hair, trying to calm her down, before she finally pulled herself together and stood up just as the door opened once again.
“I need you,” Blayk walked in with tears running down her pale freckled cheek.
It was miserable to see Blayk like this. She usually was the one smiling and keeping us together. But as I looked at her now, she seemed to be a completely different person. Her blue-green eyes shown utter signs of pain and hung almost as though she hadn’t slept in months. The auburn hair that was usually done without care, seemed to be almost too strategically curled, as though to match a fake persona of happiness. I watched her walk across the floor to grab a tissue from out of the tissue box on the counter next to the sink, and I realized how agonized she looked. Her pixie figure had broken down and now seemed to be a flower trying to hold together in a wind storm.
“Come on,” I said as I put my arm around Blayk. “Let’s go sit down somewhere and try to pull ourselves together.”
We walked around the funeral home passing walls of soft gold wallpaper, satin curtains, and pots and pots of flowers. Finally, as we walked around one last corner we found an isolated room with white carnations on every wall and maroon couches, looking as though they hadn’t ever been touched. We both sat down and wrapped our arms around each other and made ourselves as comfortable as you can when you’re trying to hold yourself together.
“How are we going to do this?” Blayk asked me with true despair.
“The same way we did Roarie’s,” I said with a sigh.
“Blaer, this isn’t how it was supposed to be,” Blayk stated. “We were supposed to be getting ready for senior year next year. You and Jesse were going to be together forever, Roarie was supposed to be a doctor and save lives, and me and Jared, dang it Jared, we were supposed to die together when we were old! Blaer! This isn’t how it was supposed to end!” Blayk broke into hysterics and fell further into my arms.
“Blayk,” I could only make out a whisper. “I am so sorry.”
We both sat there, crying for what seemed like hours, but only was a few minutes until Blayk’s dad, Jeff walked in.
“I’m sorry girlies,” he said with sorrow in his voice. “But they told me to tell you, they’re ready when you are.”
He turned around and walked out before we could reply. Jeff was a great guy, a real tough one. Bald and big, that was all you noticed when you would see him. He usually was one to be there, but lately he stayed away. Secretly, Blayk and I know why he wouldn’t come near us. Well, we knew why no one came near us anymore, we were a mess, and that’s never fun to be around. The only people through this whole thing that stayed near us were the rest of our group. Kamuryn, Tahla, and Ronnie-not Ronald, that turns into a fight. Each of them understood, not that no one else did, but they were just as close to Roarie, and of course they weren’t in love with Mikah and Jesse, but they loved them as well.
“Look at us! We’re a mess,” Blayk laughed. “We should probably go clean ourselves up before we go out there.”
We both stood up and started back down the hall, and caught a glimpse of the main room. It seemed as though the whole town had come to give us their sympathy.

Thank you !

Well I guess I'm going to suck at this blogging thing.
I have no idea how to do any of this and I think my sister made this for me so I could post designs. But I must admit., I'm much more of a writer. Something about being able to write is magic to me. I feel bad to say that since its not what this "blogspot" was created for.
I will put some designs up. But I think there will be more writing :)